Have you ever heard of parents that teach their children to swim by throwing them in the deep end? Well, God, my Father, threw me in the deep end to teach me about abandonment issues I never saw before, how to live and be happy on a low- week to week income, How to let go of some dearly held dreams and forge new ones, how to have an "empty" nest and how to get past feeling lonely and find ways to do things by myself and how to make new friends. How to be humble and ask for help, no matter how hard and humbling . And the hardest of all was finally coming to a calm place from a rage and anger only a mom can have for her deeply hurt child. I feel a peace again, at last.
One thing I've learned is to never take those pockets of peace for granted again and to just be grateful for every healthy, peaceful minutes, hours or days and even one week I got. I no longer count my chickens when it comes to calm days.
So, now I am looking forward to this next year, one day at a time, growing healthier in every way I can. My goal this year isn't about numbers-but about feeling saner and healthier and as shallow as it might seem about fitting back into all my new clothes. So instead of weighing in I'm trying on my clothes every other week. I'm also striving to walk further, swim longer. Two things I love to do.
I'm also shaking things up= well really fine tuning I guess, when it comes to my nutrition-eating-weight loss. I'm still doing step 3 of the getting off sugar and Jon Gabriel's Big 3 and now, because of the two years today I'm doing the red color diet , again, for the next 45 day. Only I'm making two changes to it-that I dowsed about. I'm including raw green veggies and walnuts and almonds. I had an Ah Ha! realization as I've read what I did last year and now know I actually did not follow the Red Color Diet perfectly after all. I knew not to eat nuts but totally just didn't connect almond flour with nuts. LOL! Like I said back then, I think it's the going sugar free and gluten free that really has you losing and the "red color treatments" that help you be able to do that. Or at least that is the theory I'll be checking out from now until Halloween.
The other thing I'm doing is going deeper into healing my emotions. To that end I have four books I've chosen out of my large nook collection by means of dowsing with a pendulum. The first one is a reread and use by Marianne Williamson : A course in Weight Loss." I've been with this the last couple weeks, Now I've finally started , years after I bought it. " Shrink Yourself: Break Free From Emotional Eating." This one always scared me for some reason-I just kept putting it off and when I do that I know that is probably the very book I need the most. In the wings I'll be working through "Jessica Ortner's " The Tapping Solution again and finishing Bill Cashell's 872 page " The Emotional Diet: How To Love Your Life More and Food Less." As needed I'll continue to touch base with my eating psychologist and make use of The Gabriel Method's support group. That ought to keep me busy for a while. may we all have a beautiful Fall this year.