WOW! So much has happened since I was last here. To start with I have begun to weigh myself on the 9's again, starting with June 9th. That was such a shocker to me that I have changed a lot since then. To day I finally saw the scale go downwards- 5 whole pounds! Pretty sure not water because I never stopped drinking water to begin with. I'm excited about my journey again.
When I left off I told about going thru the steps to kick sugar. I also told you that I'd started seeking help for emotional healing. On post before last I said something big was coming up and boy was it ever! MY 40 year old son that moved back in with us when he got out of the Army 13 years ago not only moved out of the house but out of the state. He'll be back for 5 days at end of month then gone for a year. Believe it or not , at age 65 I am experiencing the empty nest for the first time in 40 years! Hard, unbelievable hard. My son was such a great companion here in our home. My hubby is like a hermit most of the time-It was my son that I did things with, talked to about everything - helped each other emotionally thru the pain of not being able to move to our dream location . He is the one that all that great stuff out at the lake last summer and at the river& Kiroli park happened with.
I found I could not stop crying-yes I needed to get the grief out and that got better as he started calling me all the time. Yet I still felt so lonely. I felt depressed all the time and am sure the sugar and releasing sugar bit by bit played in. I was telling the folks over on The Radient Recovery FB group how I couldn't seem to get over it and a lady recommended taking Lithium Orotate , a natural product that I got at Amazon very cheaply. I take it twice a day and it really helped me calm down.
Then came major changes due to my diving deep into my emotional issues . Here I'm going to share what I wrote on the GM support group page earlier this week: "Monday I did one of the hardest things I've ever done. I faced my hugest fear. I had an assignment from Kathleen Donhardt ( whom I highly recommend) to write a letter to my dad but as I sat down at the river to write I knew the person I've avoided the most-that is my deepest pain and fears is my husband of 44 years. I love him and know without a doubt he loves me-we have been thru hell and back in more ways than you could ever imagine with each other and our 4 kids. I weighed 107 pds when we met, and yo yo'd up to 299 over 42 years. I have lost over 100 pds now but at an empass for several months. I felt unworthy of his love and even now (until Monday) was afraid to tell him so very much- afraid to ask him so very much and made many assumptions that just were not true. All because I was afraid of his rejecting me- saying no to my needs. Boy was I wrong!!! I can't get over the last few days and how much has changed for the better in our marriage-the core of my heart. It was Kathleen and GM that gave me the courage to face my fear- the knowldege that it had to be done to be able to let the rest of the weight go. For the first time in months the scale moved down. Between Kathleen, GM support and my addressing my sugar problem with Kathleen DeMaison's help dare I say- I really believe I've turned the corner into better health on all levels. Thank You all "
It is now Sat. night as I write this and once that transformation happened things just kept rolling. Monday night I went swimming and on the way out I saw a flyer asking for hospice volunteers. Yesterday I had my first interview to be accepted into program and the young woman in charge of the volunteer program was from California- and not only knew what Reiki is, but is open to my offering it thru them. The thing I thought wouldn't be possible where I live, the dream I had for moving west was finding those who want my Reiki services. And Yes , in my visualizations and meditation I had asked God to send to me people who want and appreciate energy healing modalities. OH! and her birthday is Sept. the 9th! My healthy journey birth date. Meant to be.
Another thing that happened may be the biggest of all. One thing I'd asked of my husband is that we go somewhere together once a week. Any where he wanted to, it didn't need to cost anything. When I came home from that swim he told me that he chose to go to church with me on Sundays. You could have knocked me over with a feather. In the 46 years we've been together I have never seen him go to church outside of weddings and funerals. I'll never doubt "the flow" again. After the let down of not going to the PNW my son, who was excited about the Buddhist communities there and I the Baha'i ones there we decided to go church shopping here to find a community of folks that we liked and felt at ease with, that we could build community with and found it in a small, 40-50 member Christian church On Easter Sunday. I'm finding that the dreams you want can be found in ways you never thought of. I am still a Baha'i, but Baha'is are also Christian , it's very much if you can't be with the one you love then love the one you are with and who knows someday we may still end up in the PNW if we still want to.
So, this is where I am now. I want to make sure you understand that I am finding that to lose the excess weight, be healthy and keep it off you have to address all parts of the multiple layers. Not only the food, use of "tools" for cravings and all the GM recommendations like GTGE and visualizations, if you are sugar sensitive you must address that issue, if you have depression you must address that and you must face your fears and dive deeply into not only your emotional past but what is going on now as well. A tall order, getting healthy on all levels-OH! and throw in your spiritual health as well. But so very worth it. This is not a race-I am in it for the long haul.