Today is 5/26/19 at 1:30 Am. For some reason my muse has come. I found the above prayer 2 days before I wrote my last post. As you can see in that post God answered with a new perspective about where I am. And yet for another week or so my eating and lets be honest here my practically mainlining sugar esp. ice cream was actually frightening me and the highs and lows brought home just how well I was for so long and what it feels like physically to not be well.
Once again after a giving in (starting with and often repeating the prayer and others) God, or the universe or my just being so use to paying attention to things-pulling what I need to me( like The red color diet and GM) was not surprised when an old -unread- book literally fell off one of my library's upper shelves onto my toe as I walked by. Perhaps it was on of my fairies that pushed it. The book was Kathleen Des Maisons "The Sugar Addicts Total Recovery Program." Of Course!
Is this what will turn the tide for me? I'd just begun a couple online emotional eating therapy and have spent months listening to safety-abundance visualizations. But the sugar is making me crazier, more forgetful, I swear clumsier, and either sweet as pie-all fired up, cranky to my son & hubby, or straight out depressed. Weight loss? sswaitloss. What I want most is to feel balanced, calm, even keeled and clear headed. Yes the meditating, prayers, visualizations and reiki help while I'm doing them and then next thing you know I'm stopping for ice cream after my swim, on the home from the park and then I feel oh so good for a few hours and then it all drops out or I'm just sleeping it off. Well I'm seeing a light again with this book. The subtitle had me willing to read it-" All natural, simple solutions that: eliminate food (sugar) cravings, build energy, enhance mental focus and heal depression."
As I read it I saw that there were biological , chemical reasons I can't let go of the sugar at this point. My body ( and not everyone has this) is sugar sensitive. Sugar addiction (and I've called myself a sugar addict for 20+ years) is a SYMPTOM of sugar sensitivity. " If you just treat the symptom of sugar sensitivity by giving up sugar, you do not heal the real problem-the biochemistry of your brain and body- and you're not likely to stay away from sugar for life. The key to long term healing is going to the CAUSE of the symptom and balancing the systems that are now out of kilter."
And there you have folks. Remember-I cold turkey gave up sugar and white flour and even fake sugar. Not one bite for over a year. I also kept a food journal that year+. I've read back and see now that while yes I had a big emotional-safety issue hit 3 months ago that had me overeating the healthy stuff I had had my first "just a bite" of chocolate last fall, followed by the proverbial (for all who know Bill) wedding "just a taste or two" that led to xmas slips that led to not being all that careful about sugar when I spent a week at my friends the week before the financial disaster. The perfect set up for someone who is sugar sensitive to not be physically able to stop until their biochemistry is healed.
I'll explain this more in later post but right now just know there is help and it (just like in GM) is not my fault-it has nothing to do with will power. I now know that until I use the 7 steps she has used for thousands of alcoholics ( which is sugar-same chemistry problems) GM-or just GM isn't enough for me to lose the rest of my weight. This plan fits with GM very well-in fact for all I know (what with so much as yet unseen-read GM info) Jon may very well have addressed this-made these recommendations and I just don't know. I have read the book now and even started reading her book "Your last diet" because it goes into more detail-more tips to help with the 7 steps before you start trying to lose weight. As I read the steps I can really only see 2 things recommended that I didn't do at GM. Her first step is to not only have a breakfast with protein (as I already do on GM) everyday, but you must get enough protein. She says either fist sized ( which I don't see working when using seeds, ect as part of your protein) or divide your current weight in half and then divide that out by 3. Eventually in another step you will be having that 1/3 protein at your 3 meals a day (in addition to the rest of your meal) I have had only about half of what she recommends for my current weight. So Now I am upping that. Not as easy as you think.
The other thing I don't do now (part of her step 4) is eat a potato with the skin right before I go to sleep at least 3 hours after dinner. It is all explained in the book-Once I can get it into my language I'll explain why to you. I've joined her FB site (closed but free) Radiant Recover. I've been reassured and pretty much warned that you really need to do the steps in order before you start the weight loss part. But as a GMer this is where I've decided to think of it as a merge because so very much of what she talks about I already do. I even food -emotion journal but I admit not in the way (way more in depth) that she recommends. Like Jon she talks about how as your body heals , as you implement the healthy things, over time you just won't crave the harmful food including sugar.
So that is where I am right now. Just 4 days into step one. Because of my GM experience and 2 years of growth I feel confident to start step 2 which is the journaling (her way) next Tuesday After Memorial Day. A huge change is coming in my life on Memorial day. One that is very emotional for me in both sad and happy ways. But that is a topic for another day-it is very late and Penny is fussing at me to come to bed. Goodnight.