occurred at the edge of a lot of huge parking lots. Or parking spaces behind hotels-or office buildings looking at a green view. Every park in town. Sometimes, most secretive of all, in my bathroom or walk in closet. The last gave it away didn't it? My affair was with "forbidden" food.
I'm embarrassed about this. Though I imagine my hubby & kids just breathed a sigh of relief when they read 'food'. They say we are only as sick as our secrets. I want to be healthy and when I read the above this morning in " A Course in Weight Loss" I knew it was time to fess up.
This affair has lasted from when I first got married. It was easy back then. My hubby was at work all day-I just had to hide the evidence. Like he couldn't look at my body and know. Once my kids were older, I'd do things like Pick up dinner from somewhere and eat an extra serving on the way home-throwing out the container at trash bins along the way. Often I'd lie about where I was going or just take extra time on the way home from meetings or friends homes and go get whatever contraband I wanted and stop by the river above and enjoy eating it. Sometimes now I wonder if part of it wasn't the food so much as the secrecy itself.
But the worst was when I hid it at home. I felt like an addict hiding my "stash" usually fudge or bakery items and eating them as bath water ran.
Like most affairs, I wasn't happy in my life or healthy with my emotions at the time. The food was my coping. The hiding was avoiding a naturally thin,eat all & what he wants husband's snide remarks and ridicule. I'm not sure why-maybe his own health scare did it- but the last year before I started the Red Color Diet he just stopped doing that- even would bring me the stuff I liked. Actually, come to think of it I think that ,like me, he thought I was dying. I probably was.
Then the RCD changed all that. I could eat all this stuff right out in the open, knowing I could pull out the book and show them the list if they didn't believe I should eat it. Twenty pounds in and the proof was in. What I was eating was working and no one say's one word about what I eat anymore-except 'Amazing'. I hear that one a lot.
The secret affair is over with. I'm relieved. Hiding is stressful, lying is stressful and stress is fattening and unhealthy. I have more time and money as well. It's not like they give out junk food for free. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. OH! Wait! It literally has been.
I still go to the river above. It's one of my favorite places. Only these days I'm with my son and my dog, Penny. I have bottles of water with me- a piece of fruit or nuts. The river feeds my souls these days and I am at peace.